Chocolatey Goodness

Part 8: Pillow-Talking

rated NC-17

__________________________

"Well, you wanted to talk about it," Spike said crankily, putting a cigarette between his lips, perfectly well aware of the laser-beam glare Xander was shooting at him from the recliner, and ignoring it resolutely. Blonde guy in another man's bed, naked and smoking, or at least looking like he was smoking. Yeah, that wasn't a missing scene from Drugstore Cowboy...

"Don't light that, unless you wanna join the ashes, nicotine-man," Xander snarled at him, scrunching back into the chair and folding one arm over his bare chest, as he nibbled distractedly at the Ho-Ho he held in his other hand.

"Wasn't gonna. Wouldn't like to pollute your delicate human lungs or anything. Just want somethin' in my mouth, and since you're over there, an' I'm over here..."

"And that's where I'm staying, thank you very much! Until you tell me what the heck you thought you were up to..." Xander frowned at him prettily, and Spike shrugged, unable to look too irritable when the mere expression on the face across from him was making him want to do all sorts of non-irritating things.

Xander hopped up from the chair and began to pace the room, quite a sight in jeans and white athletic socks and nothing else, back muscles tensed and rippling as he stalked back and forth. Spike rolled the unlit fag over his lips, wishing he were either pacing as well, or throwing that body down on the bed in a more enjoyable conversation-postponer.

"I was trying to," Spike replied, "and you started going on about 'eew' and 'could we not have this conversation,'... and other such mature reactions. Do you or don't you want to talk about it?" The subject had to come up sooner or later. Since he'd discovered he could, sort of... cause a limited amount of pain, if it were meant to give pleasure... He'd pushed it off at least once, not even sure how he felt about it, much less whether he wanted to discuss it with his unpredictably squeamish human lover. "Hey, let me know when it's my turn to pace, yeah? 'Cos this room isn't big enough for both of us to blow off steam."

Xander turned and glared at him again, then the human's expression softened. "Well... look...you could hurt me... more than I was expecting, I mean. Even accidentally. It's not something I just want to be surprised by..."

"Right, 'cos you've categorically proven that you're not into pain and kinky stuff..." Spike rolled his eyes and gave a frustrated laugh. "Anyway, what's that got to do with talking about it? First you want to, then you don't... you're worse than the Slayer with a bad case of PMS."

"I meant, let's talk about the actual possibility of you biting me, and what the hell that means, not let's listen to Spike, the undead Frugal Gourmet, give a diatribe on the merits of AB negative versus O positive. Cooking With Blood, get the entire set from Time-Life Books..." Xander gestured towards the silent telly, as if he'd just seen the advert on Channel Sixty-Two.

Right. Let's both try to be funny, then. Diffuse a little tension? "Look, you went on about eighteen hundred sorts of pizza toppings for hours on end, and I shut up and let you. I've only got eight soddin' flavors to go through, you'd think you could take an interest for that long..."

Xander squished his face into a grown-up parody of a kindergartner's. "Well... it's icky, dammit! I mean, yeah, a little pig's blood kiss doesn't taste all that bad, mixed with chocolate, especially if I close my eyes and pretend it's... I'm not having this conversation."

Spike removed the cigarette from his mouth and studied his lover. "You saying what I think you're saying? You're closing your eyes and pretending it's come?" He snickered. "You've a really perverse sense of what to be squeamish about. Then again, not all that different a taste...maybe I could do it the other way round..." His eyes narrowed as he considered the possibilities... "Nah. Like both too much to sacrifice one for the other. But...neat. Have I mentioned I like you? You're even perverting me!"

"Glad to oblige. But... human blood... I mean, you do understand why the whole subject makes me nervous?" Xander slowly walked back and sat on the edge of the chair.

"Everything makes you nervous. Bus stations make you nervous. Hairless cats make you nervous. You're shagging a vampire, though, so you've obviously got a pair and a half hidden somewhere. Alright, I'll bite. So to speak. Makes you nervous 'cos what if I killed you, accidentally?"

"It's a thought."

"Never happen. Gimme some credit, here."

"What if you killed me on purpose? It wouldn't have to hurt, I'm not that stupid."

Spike...shut his eyes. Do I have long enough with you to convince you I don't want to hurt you? At all? Because at this point, I'm thinking you'll be in the Sunnydale Home for the Aged before you grok that the only reason I'd kill you is to turn you. And when did I start thinking thoughts like that? Xander the vampire. Viciously attacking defenseless jelly donuts...

"Hello, distracted vampire guy... talking here? About your favorite subject other than yourself?"

"Right, blood. As in, do I plan to suck all of yours out while makin' it so much fun for you that you lie there an' let me. Don't think I could, and don't particularly want to. What makes you think I want to spend eternity with you?" Except the fact that I've dreamed about it three nights straight, and woke up with a hard-on every time.

Xander gaped at him. "I...meant...I didn't mean that."

Spike got up and walked over to him, tossing the mangled cigarette on the bedside table. "I know you didn't. But I answered the other question once, and I only repeat myself when it's something good about me. " He stood over the boy, staring straight into those burnt-caramel eyes. "Xander, I don't intend to kill you. You're bloody safe, chip or no chip." Yup. He'd lost another little chance at ever looking like a real vamp again...

"Happy now, angst-boy? Do you have any clue what it cost me to say that?" He bent and kissed Xander's chocolate-smeared lips.

"Yeah. Maybe I do." Xander pulled him down...to sit on his lap? Well this was a change. Not an unpleasant one, by any means.

"Anyway, I thought you had 'nads of steel, or somethin'? I mean, if you can tongue-kiss game-face..."

*****

Xander took a good look at Spike. 'Bout time to reel him in, wasn't it. "Thought so too. Then you decided to suck on my neck like it was," he shook the second half of his snack cake in Spike's face, "the last Ho-Ho in the box and you wanted to make it last all night...Made me a bit jumpy."

"Where's the cream filling?" Spike supplied with a tired smile. "You didn't mind before. Why now?"

"Because now you can. I think."

"Only if you wanted me to."

Xander gave him a -half-embarrassed smile. Spike's own smile slowly got... a bit less tired. A little... smarmy, even. "You do! That's what all this crap is about. You do want me to, and you're back in that shower again, sittin' on the floor an' cursing yourself out for wantin' what you think you shouldn't. Only this time it's not about me bein' a bloke, it's about me bein' what you've been killing for the last four years."

Xander curled his lips up...almost wickedly. At least he hoped he was managing to learn... wicked, because it always came in handy with Spike around. "Nope."

"Nope?" Spike mocked. "What then?"

"Open up."

"Thought I just did."

"Smartass vampires don't get Ho-Ho's..."

Spike opened his mouth, and Xander shoved the cream-filled chocolate cake in ...very messily. While Spike diligently tried to unroll the thing with his tongue, which was the way of Ho-Ho addicts everywhere, Xander played with the collar of Spike's shirt where it lay draped over the back of the chair, picking at the thread where the top button was coming loose.

"Okay... I might have actually said those things... not that I'd admit to this under oath...just to get you to say the part about 'chip or no chip...' " Xander grinned at him and peeked up through downturned lashes. He was either about to get his ass kicked, or... well, he was about to find out, as Spike abruptly swallowed what was in his mouth and grabbed him roughly by the chin, forcing his eyes up to meet Spike's blazing blue ones.

"Don't ever pull that shit with me again. You want to know something, ask." Spike gave him a dark stare, then a smile spread across his face, slowly. Painfully slowly. Sounding almost proud... and still annoyed as hell, he added, "Very good. Manipulation worthy of the master. I'm impressed."

Way to pile on the guilt, Spike. I just wanted to know...something. About how you feel about me. And now I'm apprenticed to the guy who gives meddling soap opera witches a bad name. Xander shook his head. "Sorry."

"Yeah, you are, but it suits me, these days," Spike replied matter-of-factly. "That said... that was a very bad thing to do, and somebody," the vampire added sternly, his voice dropping to sub-basement level, "really needs to be punished."

And why did that statement, uttered in that voice, give Xander nasty little tingly feelings? Of the kind that his Anya-adventures were only... poor echoes of? Not because Spike was remotely right about him being just a bit twisted on the kink issue himself. Even if it had taken what was allegedly one of his worst enemies to get him to admit it...

"Not that somebody would necessarily mind that, but... maybe you could try the biting me thing tonight, instead?"

Spike gaped at him. Look-- I surprised Jaded-Man, fanged hero to sardonic vampires everywhere.

"Really? You mean it? You sure?" God, Spike sounded like...he sounded like Xander had, when Spike had said he could have the last Ho-Ho, as a matter of fact.

"Yeah. Positive." Xander pulled Spike's face to his own, and there was long-term kissing. Spike finally broke off when he'd obviously started to worry about respiration, and other little human needs Xander might have.

Xander grinned again. "Learned how to breathe through my nose and kiss at the same time. You like?"

"You're a complete kook. And just who were you practicing on?" Spike punctuated that one with a little gravelly rumble in his throat.

"Um... the first five Ho-Ho's?"

"We'll get back to the subject of me smacking you silly one of these days. Count on it." But Spike didn't seem terribly interested in pursuing the topic right now, as he lifted both eyebrows in what was possibly the most seductive facial expression since... well, Spike lifting one eyebrow.

Xander nodded at him.

Then...the blonde suddenly shook his head. "No. This's too easy. Why? You tell me why you want this. Death-wish? Auto-erotic shit?"

"Auto-what?"

"Gettin' a hard-on from coming close to killin' yourself. Usually by strangulation, though I s'pose blood loss could be a close second."

***

Faith falling on Xander, throwing him back on her bed, the birthright strength of the Slayer employed not to protect him, but to force him down, helpless. Faith's hands around his throat, tightening, making black spots appear in the corners of his vision, Faith's lips on his at the same time as she choked the life out of him...pain and fear and the utter certainty that he was going to piss himself any minute, and Faith still squeezing... Kinks or vanilla.... and he'd wanted to say "chocolate...let's go get a sundae...let me go...let me up," but there was no air, and she was smiling with those dark red lips, and it just got darker and darker until all he could hear was the rushing of his own blood...

***

"No..." he said slowly, in the present, Spike's presence heavy and comforting on his lap. "Not...into the choking thing."

"Yeah, well. Good. We can just leave that one on that list of things you 'aven't tried. I'm not indulgin' your 'I'm so useless, might as well court death' fantasies. Already got one broody bastard too many in my unlife. Don't need one in my bed."

"My bed," Xander corrected him. Crammed the memory of the dark Slayer back into one of those little mental pockets he wasn't really supposed to be looking in, ever. Blood. Spike wanted to know about blood. About biting. About why he wanted Spike to do it. "Do I have to tell you?"

Spike tilted his head to one side, puzzled. "Do you have to... Yeah, if you want me to do it. Hell, listen to me makin' the human convince me as to why I should bite 'im. This conversation's as insane as... any other we've had. Yes, you have to."

It was...stupid. Embarrassing to say, to Spike, because it was flowery and girly and...pretty much exactly how he was feeling at the moment, and the last thing in the world he wanted the vampire to do right now was laugh at him. Why wasn't he scared of this? Really? He didn't have a clue. Why had he been terrified shitless a few days ago of something that could, at worst, leave him with a sore ass in the morning? (Had, in fact, and he smiled at the memory. It was a good kind of sore.) Why, at the prospect of something that could actually kill him, did he just feel this strange steady desire to...

"I guess I owe you, for that crap with 'chip or no chip...'" Xander began hesitantly.

"Damn straight."

"Okay. Don't laugh at me, please. My ego can only get so small before it starts talking to amoebas... " Spike snorted at him. "I mean it. This is gonna sound stupid, and I don't wanna hear a single little Spike titter outta you, or I'm...staying at Giles' for the rest of the week!"

"Listening. Not laughing."

"Okay...dumb stuff now." Long pause, deep ragged breath, as if Faith's hands were still around his throat. "I want... to be...part of you. Part of what you are. Not the death part. The life part. The part where I keep you alive. The part where you need me. I want to know what that's like."

A rough sound from Spike, like breathing in, if he'd really been breathing, was hurting him. "You...sure you don't want me to just throw you over the back of this chair and shag you blind? 'Cos...don't say shit like that, Xander, if you want me to have the tiniest bit o' self-control around you!" He laughed, more easily now, and then... gave Xander that same questioning, seductive stare. This time Xander just leaned back, and stared straight back at him. Yes. I want you. Want you to need me. Want you not to figure out how much I think I need you.

Spike growled, low in his chest, and shook his head as he morphed into...the face that Xander wasn't terribly afraid of, for reasons that it might hurt Spike's pride to know. Xander dared him. Dared the animal to come and bite him. Like he was standing outside the hyena cage, looking the pack in the eyes, and slowly letting drops of his own blood fall through the bars... Dared the man he was coming to recognize as his lover to make that calculated, snake-strike move. The insane thought passed through his mind that it just might be scarier for Spike, after six months of...abstinence, than it was for himself after nineteen years.

Spike's lips were on his throat, but not fast...it took a hundred years for the vampire to lower his head to Xander's neck, a hundred more for skin to finally touch skin. And what was that about vampires being cold-blooded? Not when they were about to feed, apparently. Okay, time to panic now. But... Um.. panic? Hello, where are you? But it... all it was doing was making him hot, hardening him in his jeans as Spike's tongue brushed over his pulsing neck vein... With Spike's weight on his lap, he wanted to grind up against the bare ass that was pressing down on his suddenly aching cock...But he was frozen still-- no, not frozen-- immobile, but on fire. Once, twice, Spike's tongue was rasping against his skin, as those shark-sharp teeth scraped tantalizingly, but didn't break the surface. Didn't...didn't...didn't...

Somewhere down inside him, the insanity was going out of control, apparently, as Spike's teeth on his neck sent hot flashes up and down every nerve in his body...and all he could think of was that he needed to say...

Needed to say...something that would make Spike understand it was alright... something...

"Don't...don't be afraid, Spike. It's okay. Don't be scared." And he stroked the back of Spike's head, feeling the smoothness of that icy-blonde hair--after how many thousands of applications of peroxide...?

Spike stiffened in his arms, and then that tantalizing mouth kissed him, very gently, on the throat. Just lips. Just Spike's soft lips on his skin... then...the pinprick of teeth. Just touching...and then a cold, steely pain that felt so...focused. Four tiny spots of cold and fire, as four fangs easily pierced his skin. Unbelievably delicate-- Spike could be delicate?

And then it wasn't about pain, as Xander began to feel the warmth flow over him, spreading from his neck to his entire head, down his spine, sweet and hot and it was as if the life was flowing out of Spike and into him, instead of the other way around. At the same time, though, he could feel something of himself leaving, being given willingly. It was...like they were one creature, blood and heat flowing between them in an unending circuit, and it was slow and easy, and it was still torturing his poor cock, which now felt like it had been just on the edge of climax for hours, denied release.

Suddenly, no warning at all, Spike's fangs were out of his neck, and the rasping tongue was licking at the four little puncture wounds, as if to seal them, or lap up the last of the blood, or just to stake a claim on what was Spike's. That, too, was warm and good, but there was an emptiness, a loss, like the feeling of emptiness that would come between the removal of Spike's fingers from his ass and the replacing presence of Spike's cock. Just a temporary absence, soon to be filled. He breathed, and realized he wasn't sure if he'd been doing that, all this time. Wasn't sure how much time had passed.

When he thought he could speak, he whispered, "Is that what it's like? 'Cause it's a hell of a way to go."

Spike lifted his face, blood lightly smearing his already red lips. Staring at him with fiery amber eyes. "No." His voice was smooth, dark, like his gravelly throat had been soothed by the blood. "No, not for...dying. That's not what it's like."

"Then..."

"That was...a bit like it is between two of us...two vampires. Though it's usually a lot rougher than that." Spike shook his head, as if trying to calm down, leaned it on Xander's shoulder, and slowly regained his human face. "Mostly..." he whispered, "that's what it's like between you an' me. "

He suddenly shot his head up to kiss Xander, full on the lips. Human blood... Xander's own blood on Spike's lips. Metallic, a little bitter, a little salty... Xander gulped, and licked it from Spike's lips, brushing his tongue over the flattened human teeth. Not...pretending it was come, not this time.

"O Neg?" Spike grinned.

Xander shook his head.

"Sure? Tasted like O Neg to me."

"Positive." Spike groaned at him. Bad pun. Bad. Too bad, vampire. You wanna discuss blood types, you haveta put up with Xander Harris' patented ready wit.

"You okay?" Spike asked in a moment.

"Well..." and Xander shifted his hips, pressing the bulge in his jeans against Spike's ass, "if you don't do somethin' about this, I won't be." Spike laughed at him, then, but it wasn't a mean kind of laughter.

"Yeah, I think maybe we can oblige. I meant...dizzy, or anything? Didn't take as much as if you'd donated blood, but..."

"Does that mean I get cookies and orange juice?" Xander teased. No, he wasn't dizzy, except in the 'Wow, what the hell was that?' sense. And he was a little more concerned with finishing off what Spike had started than getting his Red Cross donor points.

"We don't have any orange juice, and you ate all the cookies last night. 'Fraid you're stuck with Pepsi an' Ho-Ho's."

Xander shifted his hips again, and Spike chuckled.

Xander bopped him gently on the head. "You just ate the last Ho-Ho, dipstick. Now I'm gonna faint, and it's all your fault. So you'd better fuck me before I pass out. You owe me. "

Spike smirked knowingly. "There might be another package of Ho-Ho's. Might. In the cupboard behind the spanner and the gaffer tape and the plunger and.."

"The sign that says beware of the leopard. Don't hide chocolate from me, mister. We'll discuss that later." Not as good at that voice as he is...He sounds like he's gonna turn me over his knee and smack my ass 'til I beg him to fuck me into the wall, and I sound like... we're actually gonna discuss it later. Gotta work on that. "Right now..."

"Yeah, right now." And Spike slid from his lap down to the floor, on his knees between Xander's legs, undoing the buckle on the thin belt with alarming speed... button, zipper, and...

"Er...care to tell me why you're picking up my fashion habits, luv?" Spike asked a bit confusedly as he pulled Xander's hardened cock from the faded jeans, without any cartoon character boxers in his way.

"Experiment?"

Spike laughed as he lowered his head to Xander's cock. "Not that I mind, but if you really wanna pull that look off, you'll want a tighter pair of trousers. It's not supposed to be a surprise. " Then that beautiful mouth was otherwise occupied, sliding over the already-weeping head, licking and sucking, while his hands were tugging Xander's jeans completely off...and Xander lifted up to help, then leaned back happily.

Okay, blow-job, not what I was expecting, but not complaining.

Spike suddenly lifted his head, letting Xander's dick slide out from between his lips. He-ey...not fair...

"Experiment my arse-- you're out of clean knickers again!"

"Okay, maybe. So I'm being punished for it? No sex for the guy with no underwear?"

Spike sneered at him, shaking his head. "That wasn't sex, moron. That was lube." In an instant, the vampire had shifted the recliner so that Xander was lying almost flat on his back, and Spike was climbing up on top of him and...lowering himself onto Xander's fully erect cock, with a satisfied hiss.

"O---kay, we...can do that..." Xander breathed, as Spike began to rock on top of him, tight and smooth and just heavy enough on his hips to send jolts of pleasure careening around his nervous system every time the vampire's ass hit his pelvis. Just laying there and letting Spike fuck himself on him... that would've been a distinct possibility as Xander started to slide away inside to a place full of dark and light and motion, where he didn't have to do anything but be pleasured...

But he opened his eyes to look at Spike's face, twisted up in a manic smile, and he smiled back, reaching for Spike's cock, grasping it tight in his fist, letting the vamp's rapid movements on top of him guide the rhythm of his own pumping, as the friction of his hand warmed the cool, rigid shaft beneath his fingers. When he was almost sure he was about to go completely out of his mind, from the tightness around him, the hardness in his hand, the smirky infuriating vampire bouncing up and down on him, and maybe just a little dizziness... Spike froze, shooting into his hand, down his arm, sticky and warm-cool, and just a bit more and Xander would be just as... Spike looked down at him, and nodded, grinding down suddenly against his hips, and Xander was gone. Eyes closed, hissing out Spike's name, black behind his eyelids, cool and comforting as he emptied himself into his...smartass...dangerous...but so damn good...lover.

Spike's body still on his lap, legs astride him, felt just too right, so when Spike pulled himself off with a slick little sound, and swung his leg over the side of the chair, Xander groaned without opening his eyes.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"Be right back..." Spike answered, disappearing entirely, and Xander gave a halfway-decent Spike-growl.

"Better be..." And Xander contented himself with slowly licking Spike's semen off his arm, comparing the taste. Spike was right. Sort of like peanut butter and chocolate. You'd never want to pretend one was the other...

And Spike was as good as his word, slipping back onto Xander's lap within a minute, and nudging his chest with something cold and metallic. Opening his eyes, Xander saw a familiar red-white-and-blue can in Spike's left hand, and a chocolate snack-cake in the other.

"Pepsi and a Ho-Ho, as promised. Wouldn't want to lose you or anything," Spike said earnestly.

*****

Spike watched contentedly as Xander sipped his way through the can of cola, and occasionally offered him a bite of chocolate. That had been... Not that he hadn't had human blood since the chip, but not directly out of a human. Certainly not Xander's blood, which was...different by the very virtue of it having been freely given. No fear, no threat of death, no sudden dawning realization that there was a monster at his throat. Just a gift, genuinely offered, shared between the two of them. Just life. When did a vampire ever get that? How many vampires ever wanted that? Just life.

He'd made another mistake, probably. He'd done something to further tie himself to this mortal who was going to, sooner or later, wake up and smell the ashes... But it was far too late to worry about that. If Xander hadn't been a part of him for a week... for months, maybe... he sure as hell was now. Spike was inextricably bound to the sable-haired boy with the bruised eyes and the self-mocking smile. Xander, running through his veins, long after the paltry amount of blood he'd taken would fade away.

They were going to go out. Really. That was the intention. Lie around for a while, then get dressed and go wreak havoc on evil. Try to avoid Slayer Patrol this time. Really, they were. But... it was just so damn comfortable, curled up in the chair, Xander's arms having slipped around him, his head on the mortal's warm chest, the steady heartbeat lulling him to sleep.

Before it overtook him completely, he managed to murmur, in what he hoped was a convincing voice, "I wasn't afraid."

Xander stroked his hair with one hand. Soft. Too damn soft. He's taking care of me. I...don't need to be taken care of... he does.

"No. Of course not."